Saturday, August 2, 2008

Do You Smell That?

My friend Abby has no sense of smell.

I can think of a hundred reasons to be jealous...#98 being the horrifying realization that farmers spray liquid cow manure on their fields... in the steamy summer... and we live in corn country.

But I've known Abby for over 25 years, and I still forget that she can't smell coffee brewing, or coconut suntan oil, or the lone scared skunk in the woods a mile away. So whenever we visit, whether it's me road-tripping to the city, or her hitching a ride to Ithaca, I try to envision (or ensmell) a life without olfactory influence, and am astounded at how much I take my nose for granted. I am constantly putting my smelly foot in my mouth with "doesn't that smell good?" or the KFM classic "christ, did a cow die in here?", but Abby doesn't mind my gross negligence in underscoring her double-edged sword of a handicap. She just calmly reminds me that she does not have a sense of smell. And I love her for that. I can fart (or "frot" as we Winstons call it) all I want to if I wanted to, but shouldn't forget that she isn't deaf for God's sake... come on, guys... she's single! Isn't that a perfect quality to be looking for in a woman???

And you can have foot odor from hell!

Abby is one if the original reasons I "hyperspaced" my way into Ithaca, as she earned her writing degree at Ithaca College in the 80's... but our friendship originally began at, of all places, a Weight Watchers Camp - Camp Colang in 1985.

Our bond was sealed when we realized we had actually dated (which in summer camp terms means "we made out with him in the woods a few times") the same guy (a camp owner's son) during the summer of '84, when we became bunkmates in the infamous Collegiate House - a fabulous place where you can be a camper at 21.

There is whole chapter about the camp/food/diet experience in Abby's bestselling book (and Facebook group) Teenage Waistland. One of Abby's coolest claims to fame is her naming of Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra ice cream. And although she can admire the comically enormous pint-shaped, cardboard cutout of her flavor, pop-art colors and all... in her 30' by 32' studio apartment in the Village... she cannot smell chocolate!

And that is one smell I would wish for her to experience... among others... fresh brownies, Girl Scout Cookie shots, exotic chocolate body oil...Hershey, Pennsylvania...

Hmmm... maybe not having a sense of smell is a good thing.

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